Existing to be destroyed-

My name is Julia and I like the idea of carpe diem, illuminati, and pop culture.



I own nothing unless stated otherwise.


1/471 Next





"I’m in love with her."
“I think I’m going to be sick.”




fuckyoulex:

wickedtitania:

Today, Security camera clips that make the news usually show bad things, but here, Coke decided to “look at the world a little differently” in this heartwarming viral video. People stealing kisses, harmless soldiers, music addicts, honest pickpockets and potato chip dealers. Love, Attacks of friendship, friendly gangs and kindness. Unexpected firemen, rebels with a cause and peaceful warriors. A lot of crazy people, and a few heroes. 

I love this so much




"

We don’t know how to say goodbye,
We wander on, shoulder to shoulder
Already the sun is going down
You’re moody, and I am your shadow.
Let’s step inside a church, hear prayers, masses for the dead
Why are we so different from the rest?
Outside in the graveyard we sit on a frozen branch.

That stick in your hand is tracing
Mansions in the snow in which we will always be together.

"

Anna Akhmatova, We Don’t Know How To Say Goodbye (via grammatolatry)




"I guess in retrospect I should’ve sensed decay,
Then that day how you said “I just don’t know”
And I promised we’d rearrange things to fix the mess I made.
But I guess in the end we just moved furniture around."

(via dakutheemphatic)




dakutheemphatic:

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you happy. You keep cutting all those little strings that keep your windows open because you think if you let go
Just let go
It will keep your heart safe
And your skin tough
And your eyes clear
And your hands busy.
Those little strings kept your windows open…


This is a replay of last years events. I’m just a little more invested this time.

I’m leaving, by the way. I haven’t felt this hopeful since the beginning.

It’s fitting. Thank you.









"

After you left,
I stopped watering the flowers
on my front lawn, and as I watched
each one fold into itself
I started wondering if I was doing the same.
Because if you aren’t living,
then you have to be dying instead,
or at least that’s what my mother screamed
when she told me stop listening to sad music
and reading books that clawed
away at my insides.

When things started getting really bad
with the first boy I ever pretended
to love,
he started saying things like,
‘You don’t smell as good as she did’
and ‘I only kissed you so you could finally
stop talking about poetry and what the
New York City rain tastes like.’
I realized I didn’t really love him
when he told me to leave,
and I did.

The first time I told you I
was falling in love with your hands
and the way they knew how to hold me,
you whispered to me about the last
girl that lived in your bed,
and how her mother still calls
you sometimes and invites
you over for dinner.
There were nights when
you didn’t come home until three in the morning,
and I wondered if
you were busy eating from plates
that weren’t mine
and touching skin that didn’t belong
to my bones.
I almost asked,
but the way you looked through me
in the mornings told me
that I didn’t want the answer.

Months after that,
she left a voicemail
telling you how much she
loved the necklace you bought her
and how she liked the way
you looked in the soft glow of dawn.
I almost broke the house in half
with the thunder in my sobs.
You came home to find me
in the corner of the bedroom
scratching at the walls
and howling to a moon that didn’t
bother showing up.
I don’t remember leaving,
I just know one day I woke up
and nobody was there to ignore me anymore.

I’m still trying to decide if that was
worse than being ignored in the first place.
And I’d send this to you,
but you probably wouldn’t see it sitting
on your doorstep.
You’d probably step right over it,
and then wonder why you haven’t heard
from me.

"

Y.Z, He only called me after I left (via rustyvoices)




"

'Your call has been forwarded to
an automatic voice message system
reminding you that she’s not coming back
anytime soon.’ Though I’ve missed her since the
night we went to bed angry; she slept with her bones
sloped inwards, her knees curled in, and her chest
protected. This was the first time I felt like an intruder

in our home. The security system down the hallway
could do nothing to protect her from the weapons that slip
into my breath when I breakdown. Or when I break into
our love and accuse everything but my own wary heart for
being unable to hold us together. I counted 347 disproportionate
pieces of stucco that emanated from the right corner of our bedroom
that night before realizing I might not be able to fix us this time.
I’ve got an empty holster of stability but my mind’s loaded, a full chamber, its safety paralyzed in the off position by my fear of abandonment. That night, I drew you to your triggers to see if
you’d shoot first. I’m sorry.

Baby, the bags I carried out while you slept were heavier than the
ones under our eyes the past month, but nowhere near as dark.
I imagined this must be what you felt like cradling my skeleton
on the nights my muscles wouldn’t work. I -

I still love you. And I’m still criminal, because I can’t stop myself
from saying that I still fucking love you and I still miss your glacial hands. The way you tenderly iced my bruised sense of self-worth from years of beating insecurity into my body in the early mornings. Christ, you were the only crime I’ve committed myself to that I’d give my life for. And so, I did. I was tired of making you the victim, it was tearing me apart to know that I wasn’t the one sheltering you anymore, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to hurt you,
I never meant for this.

My voicemail’s getting full. I don’t know how
many more nights I can swallow whiskey and tears and
the recordings of your breathy apologies—
You have nothing to be sorry for, and

I miss you, too, and, I still love you, too.
That’s why I’m hoping you’ll stop calling soon.

"

"I Should’ve Left This Message Before the Tone" -Valentina Thompson (via theseoverusedwords)




babyydactyl:

You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins

Call me a safe bet, I’m betting I’m not
I’m glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget..

All the feels for this song.





"Do not look for a sanctuary in anyone except yourself."

Siddhārtha Gautama  (via aliciacrider)




dakutheemphatic:

I want to be honest with her and tell her the truth is I don’t know how I’m ever going to get out of this hole I’ve created for myself. Sometimes it seems like I’ve been living deep enough to evade any sunlight. I want to be honest with her and tell her that I haven’t been honest with her in the…




"I wanted to love you
in such a dirty
messy way. I mean
I wanted to be
covered with
your sweat
& I wanted you
to mark me where
other men could see.
I wanted to take off
years of repression
when I took off
your shirt. I wanted
to twist your tiny heart
with just my hand down
your pants & I wanted
all your shallow breaths.
I wanted your rough tongue
to speak our dead language
right back to me & most of all
I wanted you to hear me scream
with your head between my knees."

Moriah Pearson (mooneyedandglowing)




Anonymous Asked:
i just recently had an abortion over the weekend and it was great that i had access to it, without it my boyfriend and i would of had to drop out of college and ruin our lives but apparently abortion is sooo wrong when its not even a baby, its a parasite made of cells that have no feelings that is leaving my body, people like you make me sick‏

My answer:

alwaysabeautifullife:

When I first read this post, I thought I would just delete it like the rest. I know your intentions were to cause me suffering, and if causing me suffering means you win, then I guess you have. To be honest, lying in this hospital bed, it is young women like you that I think about the most.

I was once like you. I was once told that aborting my children was the answer to my life. I was once told that my boyfriend too would have to drop out of the University he attended, and I wouldn’t be able to attend the following year after I graduated from High School. The funny thing was, because of my son, my ex-boyfriend and I qualified for several grants and scholarships. In fact, I’m one of the few people I know that was able to go to school without taking out student loans. Which is probably why I’m a home owner at 26.

I was once like you. “Its a clump of cells,” they told me. “Its a parasite,” they said. When scientifically speaking, that’s inaccurate. It is a fetus, or an unborn human being. I know a human becomes easier to kill once you label it something else. This is called dehumanization. You don’t need to dehumanize the unborn human being, you can just call it what it is; you aborted an underdeveloped human being.

As I look into my sons eyes, I don’t see a parasite, or a clump of cells. I see a brown haired, fair skin, goofy 8 year old human being. I see a human being with the exact same body as the one they called a parasite when it was in my womb. His body grows a little more every year, and every year he gets stronger. “Mom, let me help you with that.” he says, as I struggle to carry bags into the house. “Mom, wait, I’ll get it for you,” he says, as he jumps in front of me to reach for the door to open it. His body is more developed, that’s for sure, but it it the same as it was when it was tiny and growing inside me.

I was once like you. “It will ruin your life,” they said. “You’re a child yourself”, they said. That’s the strangest. As I lie in this hospital bed, at risk of death, I have no fear. I am 26 years old, and have absolutely nothing more that I could ask for to make me happier. If keeping my son ruined my life, then why do I have everything I want? Why am I so content with my short life, if it was ruined the day he was born? The love and happiness I have experienced in my short life, is enough to feel fulfilled, complete. My life is beautiful, and my children were the ones that made it that way.

When I cry, my children burry their heads on my chest, wipe my tears with their tiny fingers. When I smile, they run to me, wrap their arms around me, lean back and giggle. What have they destroyed in my life besides all that was bitter, hateful and selfish? Besides all those awful parts of me they peeled away with their tenderness, and gentleness.

I’m sorry that when you terminated your pregnancy, you felt nothing, and I’m afraid that is where we are different. I couldn’t bring myself to dehumanize the tiny human being inside my body, even though it was under developed, dependent and inconvenient. I felt. And I’m the one who feels for you now. I can feel the loss for your unborn human being.

I know you assume I think I’m “better then you”. But it’s exactly the opposite. As I lay here in this bed, ready to give my life for the child inside of me right now, it isn’t just because its my child. It’s because it is a human being. I am willing to die for an underdeveloped, dependent and inconvenient human being, because that human is my equal. You are my equal, your child is my equal, and I don’t have it in me to view my life as more valuable then anyone else’s. I can’t use any reason to take an innocent human being, dehumanize it, and place it under me. And I don’t want to.

I’m sorry that people like me make you sick, but I think if you really new me, you wouldn’t feel that way. Maybe if you knew me, you could see that my life is beautiful and wonderful just like yours, and just like every human being. I believe that your life is precious, and you were made for more love then you comprehend, and I’m so sorry you can’t see the value of life.

Life is precious. It is a divine right, it is so precious that I would be willing to die if that is the cost for another to live.

Months from now, I hope that you read this and I’m living with my new beautiful child, in my modest house, with the rest of my family, but if I’m not, I want you to remember that it made me happy to risk my life for another human being, and I would gladly do it even for someone who was sickened by me; I would even do it for you.

Life is invaluable.